What made coming out so hard for most gay people? I don’t think it was exactly easy for most of us. There is the special case where someone comes out and the next week they bring their boyfriend or girlfriend over to their parents the next week. I’m kind of jealous of those people. Statistics have shown that family acceptance is the foremost important factor in the healthy psychological development of people that identify as LBGT.
I feel a lot of our fear of coming out might have a lot to do with our social acceptance, which is influenced by: culture, politics, and religion. America is known to be a protestant Christian nation so it really pervades our culture and politics in a big way. I personally think religion has a greater effect on our fear of accepting ourselves because it not only influences the other two, it claims dominion on us after we die.
I think that claim is bullshit but it’s still a real issue we have to deal with. It’s dangerous to try to ignore it or cut out everything we were raised with altogether because it creates an inward division inside us. I was homeschooled and my parents are orthodox Mormons so religion was really my whole life growing up. Accepting myself as gay at first was hard because I felt I had to reject my childhood and that led to a lot of stupid decisions, dissatisfaction with life, and a hatred for people who made my life miserable. My life was at a stalemate and I couldn’t progress. I really don’t think it’s possible to move on until we make peace with our past.
I received a letter from my mom this past week. This is a little of what she said. “I feel that I am in a tug-of-war with the devil over you. Please leave your homosexual addictions and come back. The more you become involved with it, the more I am afraid of losing you. It will only bring you sadness. It is an addiction. I have known this for years but was too afraid that I might turn you away if I said such. Now I see that I will lose you if I don’t say anything at all.”
My mom is a great person and really tries to do what she believes, but this honestly enraged me. I’ve tried to keep my opinions on spirituality unbiased and open to growth, but this sort of thing pushes me into a bias of anger against the religion I was brought up in who also claim to be “the one true religion.”
So how do we keep this from getting in the way of our good vibrations and throwing off our chi? I think it comes from the ability to see that their god is not really God but something man made. Every god is different in each sub-culture. As John Stuart Mill said,
“What is called Christian, but should rather be termed theological, morality was not the work of Christ or the Apostles, but is of much later origin, having been gradually built up by the Catholic Church of the first five centuries, and though not implicitly adopted by moderns and Protestants, has been much less modified by them than might have been expected. For the most part, indeed, they have contented themselves with cutting off the additions which had been made to it in the Middle Ages, each sect supplying the place by fresh additions, adapted to its own character and tendencies.”
The god we choose to acknowledge as God, is not God at all but a creation of our own devising. And the supposed morals we choose to live and demand that others live are not the morals that God might have emphasized as absolutely important and necessary. Mill goes on to say,
“The standard to which he does refer [his individual conduct] is the custom of his nation, his class, or his religious profession… Not one Christian in a thousand guides or tests his individual conduct by reference to the [maxims and precepts contained in the New Testament].”
What I feel is important is not the dogma that each religion holds in separate regard but what is universal between all religions. When a lawyer approached Jesus and asked him what the greatest commandment was, Jesus replied, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind… And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22:35-40).
There is no separation or inherent enmity between God and us except what culture and our reaction to it has placed for us. I believe I was created the way I was for a reason and that the real God doesn’t care whether I like men or women. The greatest of all the attributes we can develop is Charity “for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail – but charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.” (Moroni 7:46,47).